


Bars Between Us

by Lady_Risa_Targaryean_Stark (Serendipityruki17)



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Cell Jail visit, Chapter 108 spoilers, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eremika - Freeform, F/M, Sexual Content, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-16
Updated: 2018-09-02
Packaged: 2019-06-28 10:39:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15705570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Serendipityruki17/pseuds/Lady_Risa_Targaryean_Stark
Summary: (Spoilers to the Manga up to Chapter 108)- Trying to decide for her own about Eren, Mikasa visits Eren at his jail cell in secret. Emotions caged seek to make sense by breaking out at the most unconventional moments, as both will have to decide what side they stand, and where it leaves them both. ( Basically, Cell Jail EREMIKA SMUT WITH FEELINGS!)





	1. Heat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: (Spoiler for snk manga)  
> I've been waiting for Cell Visit to happen so much that this happened, when we didn't get it in the last chapter, so enjoy fam! I needed some smut too because the way things are going we're probably heading to angsty-ville and so be it I need some sort of remedy for the angst. This takes place right after Chapter 108! We were so blessed this month with Lost Girls and Chapter 108. Here's to more blessings! (Dedicated to Iris! My Eremika soul sister! Love her so much)

_It's been long grueling hours-although it somehow seemed much longer in this unbearable heat. The sun a slow haze of fire burning ever so slowly, and scorching everything in its path, as it made its tediously long descent down._

_Drops of sweat crawl down Eren's spine as he arches his back to straighten. After hours of having been arching his back continuously from the work on the railroad, his spine was beginning to ache. His eyes scanned the work that had yet to be done. With the base of his right arm, he wiped his forehead from the collective amount of sweat forming._

_He lets go of the handle of the large wooden mallet for a moment. Taking off his hat, he fans himself, naturally scowling from what he sees now._

_Damn- have they only done this much in all these hours! At this sickening slow pace, it almost seems like their work is never going to be finish. Suddenly he had an even more terrifying thought- they are never finishing this railroad!_

_He groans._

_A loud thunk sounded as several thick steel bars dropped down next to him._

_Eren jumps startled, caught by surprise at the chunk of materials just dropped next to him. Besides him he sees the slightly parched porcelain skin- no doubt from the sun-of Mikasa._

_Her dark haze of eyes don't look at him, they are cast down to the material she had hoisted in her shoulder just a second before easily._

_Years of seeing firsthand her outstanding display of strength, he sometimes is still caught completely off guard by it. He stares both amazed and downright stupefied as she squares her shoulders._

_Inwardly he is wonders how she possibly does it, only to quickly remind himself that of course she can do it- She's Mikasa after all._

" _Eren?" She snaps his attention back at her, his name coming out in a question, now her dark blue gray eyes focused intensely on him._

" _What?" He places his hat above his head again._

" _Take a break, get some water, you haven't drunk anything all day," She says worriedly, so like her as well, to always be concern about him instead of herself._

" _I'm fine, I don't- hey what are you doing Mikasa!"_

_She ignores him already gripping the handle of the wooden mallet, deadly determined to continue Eren's work._

" _Go." Is all she said, in such a direct- no objection will be made tone, that Eren knew better than to argue with a stubborn Mikasa._

" _Fine," Eren replies resigning, as he headed to the water barrels muttering and frowning because despite it all he actually was really thirsty and Mikasa was undoubtedly right. Of course, she was right -He scoffs- and it was just like her to always be worrying so much about him as well, sometimes not even taking care of her own well- being, to put him above herself- the train of thought switched instantly in his head as he wonders if she has had a break herself yet. With this heat and her doing a lot of the heavy lifting has she even taken a break?_

_He turns back to look at her as she lifts the large wooden mallet, her muscles highly exposed in the process through her wet and sweaty white blouse._

_Eren stops himself midway. Even from here it was hard not to appreciate the way her arm muscles flex with each direct movement of her body._

_He notices each detail in her work, finding it captivating to see how each muscle she has worked hard on for years be put to work in her body, shaping her into the outstandingly strong Mikasa he's always known. He had envied her strength, but truth be told he also admired the hell of it as well. Not like he ever told her, the thought of telling Mikasa just how amazing she was, always made his palms sweat and the tip of his ears turn red._

_His eyes travel from her dead grip on the handle, long soft fingers curved into it, and further traveling to her deeply concentrated, heat-flush face as a drop of sweat which he had first seen on her nose starts to descend down, and roll right to the incline of her chest- He freezes._

_He knows he should look away- but that single drop of sweat journey had trance him completely with just a flicker of a movement through her skin, and he- for whatever reason simply couldn't look away, as that drop of sweat continues down her soft skin and right down the crevice of her- he swallows loudly- her -Shit no! He looks away instantly guilty, his face felt hotter in an instant- damn Eren you perv that's Mikasa- he reprimands himself instantly, feeling his cheeks flame as much as his ears, jaw set tightly, his hands fist to his side. How could he ogle her like that? He shouldn't have-_

" _Eren?" Again her voice is what snaps him out of his thoughts._

_His eyes don't immediately turn to her, he almost fears that Mikasa would see right through him and automatically find him repulsive for eyeing her in such a way. Yet, when he finally turns to look at her, something changes her blouse is completely unbutton exposing not only her killer abs but her bra as well._

" _Mikasa!" he gasps, moving quickly forward as if someone had struck the ground he was in. He blushes as he sees her flush face turning to him further, her lips parting, as her chest heaves in front of her. Eren quickly refrains himself from where his mind was going with the sudden image of her like this- dammit keep your mind out of the gutter Eren- He scowls himself._

_She straightens, letting go of the mallet._

" _Is everything okay?" She asks innocently confused, as if she wasn't exposing herself for everyone to see._

_Instantly he is covering her with his body, pressing himself to her in a wide body hug. "What are you doing! I know it's freaking hot but you- I-" He found it harder to form words now that he actually 'felt' the press of her breast right at his chest. Soft and perky. He swallowed slowly, why was his throat so incredibly dry? - there was such an urge to feel more- if only to just touch- his eyes travel down to her breast for a fraction of a second, getting a well enough view of them, before his head darted awkwardly up into the sky! Fuck! Damn it!_

" _I- There's boys here Mikasa! Connie, Armin, and Jean!" Suddenly he is yelling out into the sky. His eyebrows inclining further in a deep frown. Like hell he was ever going to let Jean see Mikasa like this! Friend or not, he couldn't let him see her so like…like this._

" _Eren, there's no one here but us,"_

_What? "Huh, what do you mean? But-What?" He abruptly turns around suddenly finding himself all alone in the railroad track. Where did everyone else go? He could've sworn that they weren't the only ones here._

_Fingers grip his chin, soft, and yet with enough force to move his head towards her._

" _It's okay to touch now Eren, we're all alone," Mikasa says, her lips turning into a sweet smile, he so rarely got to see._

_What?!_

" _T-Touch?" Eren frown back at her, unable to prevent the gulp, was she okay? What does she mean by touch?_

_Her other free hand quickly grabs his, leading his hand right inside her bra, and directly to her left breast._

_He froze entirely, his body rigid in a second. Millions of thoughts circling his head, and yet all of them signaling something in his brain that has always been there, but he has done everything in his power to bury down._

" _Mikasa I- You know I-" We can't- You're my best friend- I can't but I want to- I never thought- well maybe I have, but I can't- but I – his whole reasons for refusal kept diminishing with each rumble and toss in his mind. Because one thing he does know is that he wanted her right then! Wanted to finally capture those lip into his own! Just to try- to taste. Were they as desirable as he had always imagined?- Shit, did he want to feel the way her skin moved in his touch._

" _Eren…touch me," she pleaded in a low voice, her eyes shadowing as she leans in close to his ear. "It's okay." She squeezes at his hand in her breast in reassurance._

_Her head moves back only a little, before she leans in, pressing her lips tightly on to his in a kiss._

_All forms of protest died then, his body now responding as if those lips of hers contained the ultimate power to possess him at a single touch. He reacts, finally squeezing her breast, while his free hand grips the back of her neck, bringing her closer to him in one desperate motion._

_He had always wondered what it felt like to kiss her, sometimes at random moments when he wasn't sure where the thoughts even came from, others when people drew it to his attention how beautiful she was, which he would admit silently to himself that she really was, or even at times when he would remember the bunk talk of the guys throughout his cadet training, and how the pervasive mocking tones would lead to bringing up the girl cadets, consequently sometimes including Mikasa. Credit, he would get beyond furious when he did hear his own teammates talk about her in such a way- yet, sometimes guiltily, those dirty thoughts were hard to completely get out of his head completely._

_A sweet moan escapes her lips into the kiss, and suddenly everything changes once around him again, but somehow Eren doesn't care, he was too preoccupied to care, because now instead of being outside, they're somewhere entirely new. A warm dark cottage, in a bed, and Mikasa was right beside him, taking the rest of her blouse off._

_He's captivated by her in an instant._

_She's beautiful- the thought passes through him, natural, and yet it flames the tip of his ears to admit it even to himself. In that instant, he can't believe he's ever been so lucky to know someone as deadly yet striking as Mikasa Ackerman._

_She leans him towards her, interloping their legs together in one swoop, bringing him just above her. Hot sweaty skin pressed together. He continues to kiss her then, letting his body react instead of his mind-screw logic he can think about that later- right now all he wanted was to respond to her- to give her everything if she only said the words. One hand grasps her hair, and the other traces down at her lower back._

_Strong precise finger curve into his hips and lower into his pants, where blood was certainly already rushing to a highly responsive and particular area._

_She breaks contact with his lips only for her dark tantalizing eyes to lock with his for a second. A small smirk begins to form in her plump lips. His breath catches at the sight of her looking at him like that, as the ache in his pants increases._

_He swallows thickly right as Mikasa quick fingers unbuckle his pants and reach in-_

" _Mikasa-…Ah,"- her fingers wrap right around his aching member, cutting off his words completely._

_His eyes never leaving hers as she stares down and licks her lip in such a way, he can't even phantom why he's never realized how damn sexy Mikasa could be._

" _Do you want this Eren?" She asks in quiet voice._

_Her hand begins to move in place._

_Dammit did it feel good-_

_He groans out. Yes- Yes! Yes-_

" _Do you want me?"_

_Trying to sustain the urge to groan once again as she pumps him faster. "What-what kind of question-"_

" _Do you want me?" She repeats interrupting him, eyebrows furrowed, almost as she's always been waiting for the answer._

_He leans forward, gently bumping heads with her in the process. His chest heaving as another groan escapes at her speed, and he's getting harder with each pump._

" _Yes," Fuck Yes! "I want you, Mikasa Ackerman."_

" _Then…why did you leave me-"_

" _What?" He pants in confusion as she begins to fade._

" _If you want me, then come home Eren-" Her broken voice echoes out. "Come back to me…- Eren…,"-_

* * *

 

He wakes up with a jolt, quickly scanning his surroundings only to realize he's still locked in his jail cell.

He looks down to the very evident tent of his pants.

_Damn it_ \- Of course it was all a dream. He leans back into the bed, covering his eyes with the base of his arm. _Damn it, Damn it, Damn it, Damn it-_

Just a dream. A dream which had at first started as a memory, and then morph to guilty desire for her- Mikasa.

What kind of scum pervert was he? What kind of horrible friend was he to think of her in such a wrong way?

He'd wanted to admit that this was the first time he ever thought of her in such a dirty way, but hell be burnt, it definitely wasn't the first time he's dreamt of her this way.

He wasn't sure when the first round of those dreams started- sometime in his earlier years they had been rare- once- or so, but never too detailed, never so frequently. Still one thing was consistent even then, it was always her he saw. With each passing year those dreams had become more persistent, and they always left him feeling empty, and unfinished when he awoke, just like now.

He uncovers his face, his hands clenching to the side.

He was a monster- he glares off into the ceiling, because even now-even knowing it was Mikasa, he still wanted to go back into the dream and continue where it always left off. He craved her touch like mana, wanted badly to touch her- every piece of her, wanted to actually hear the sound of her moans- kiss her until her lips were rosy and plump from the sheer amount of kissing they were doing. He has wanted her so desperately that shamefully, he has spent many nights, satisfying his own needs with his own hands while envisioning, and pretending it was her doing it, and not his own fingers.

_Shit, I'm horrible -the worst kind of monster_ \- Eren sat up, leaning his back towards the wall.

His mind absentmindedly flashbacks to a year ago, when he had embarrassingly told his friends how much he had cherished them that one afternoon. He remembers the color of her cheeks almost clearly, as he knew that Armin's lie was only a cover up for the obvious reddening of his own cheeks. All the people there were his friends, another family of sorts, but in between them all was Mikasa. The one person in the whole group he _had_ to look at. Because he knew-

Damn it- _he knew_.

He wonders how she is- if she's still angry or hurt – He wouldn't blame her if she still was. He knows what the others think of him- his most cherish friends… -He grits his teeth. His mind in turmoil. What he has to do, what he has to sacrifice just to be free, to let them all be free. His mind and soul feel split into millions of pieces- all yelling as an invisible timer ticks in his mind.

_Time is running out. If only he had more time-Fuck if only. He has to act soon, no matter what the others think, he has to act._

A couple minutes pass before he feels that he won't be able to fall asleep again to the same dream again, and in that moment he decides fuck it- it's not like there's any other person down here to see, no guards, no visitors- no one but himself.

He thinks back to the way dream Mikasa had looked seconds before he awoke, beautiful and hot, closing his eyes, he tries to remember how her strong fingers felt when she moved her hand to a rhythm that drove him against the wall- He bites his lower lip, as he fondles.

"Mikasa," He whispers out in the cell, calling out her name, how he wished she was really here.

"Eren?" A hush whisper echoes in return.

Huh? Has his envisioning skills sharpen so well that they were now blending with reality? It really did sound like Mikasa just then.

Steps on stairs echo out quietly.

"Eren….it's… me-," She sighs out, a heavy burden etched in her sad tone.

Wait….! Eren eyes flash open just in time to see the figure of Mikasa stepping from the shadows and right outside his cell.

"I know I'm not supposed to be here but I-… _Oh!,"_ Her eyes expand in a second, taking two steps back, her cheeks coloring at an instant- _fucking shit!_ \- Eren quickly springs up from the bed and towards the corner of the wall, turning his back towards her. He couldn't face her not with this mortification of what she had just caught him doing. Jeez- first Hange had sneaked without him realizing, now Mikasa as well. Worse of all, Mikasa had pick the absolute wrong time to visit.

He really had some luck.

An awkward tensioned-filled silence follows, neither spoke, and the only reason Eren knew she still hasn't left is because he could feel and sense her behind him.

Furrowing his brows deeply while staring at the wall, he speaks out finally, voice strained. He didn't know what to tell her. "What are you doing here Mikasa? I thought I wasn't allowed to have visitors."

"Eren- We have to talk."

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always thank you lovelies for reading! More steamy goodness to come soon! Please Leave kudos, comments, and so forth ^^ they honestly make my day! And feel free to follow me on twitter or tumblr with the user: yesroslc17.


	2. Who Side Am I?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR THE KUDOS and COMMENTS! You're all so wonderful! Originally made this to be two chapters, but with the increase of length I thought it best to split, so now this is 3 chapters.  
> I know with Chapter 109 coming soon, this story might soon be a canon-divergence au but well until then! This follows the story for now….-take it as you will.  
> Iris, this is still for you! ~

Earlier, Mikasa had been pacing in her room for hours, unable to succumb to sleep- how could she when her own never-ending worried thoughts, and the sound of her breaking longing heart kept her awake?

She was restless, worried, and missing someone that no matter how many times she had told her heart not to miss, she inevitably always did, no matter what.

She sighs, plopping onto her bed in defeat. Picking up her blanket, she wraps herself tightly from the cold of the night, her mind much like her ever-breaking and restoring heart thinks back to Eren.

_Eren….Eren….Eren_ \- Her Eren- Her eyes clutch close tightly, her hands clenching tighter on her blanket as she remembers the way his lips would curve widely when he smiled as kids. He was so carefree then, impulsive but so happy, and yet even then, there had always been a spark to him that seek something more- a challenge in the horizon that no one else could see- that's just who Eren had always been to her. Despite his persistent dire quench for always seeking freedom, there was more to Eren that no one understood, but her.

Although it pains her to realize, the truth is that there was no stopping Eren from moving towards that dangerous path he has always been heading to, that point of no return, she knew as much. Everyone could try to stop Eren, but she knows that no one will be able to truly hold Eren back. It's almost as if he's a continuous force that no motional force of nature could ever hold…not even her-

Her heart squeezes painfully in her chest.

No….- _Not even her_ -

In the silence, when no one sees her, is when she finally breaks. Her eyes instantly wet under her lids, because despite it all-she wishes more than anything in the world that she could! What would she give just to save him from that path that leads to nothing, but death in its bitter trails.

If only she could protect Eren from all the ravaging wolves wanting to tear their very lives into pieces until there is nothing left but ashes of decay in a beautiful, but cruel world.

Her lips press firmly together trying to sustain the sob wanting to break out.

She can't stop the trail of tears beginning to roll down her cheeks.

She wants to save him, but why is saving him such an impossible task to accomplish with each passing year?- her hands clench tighter- she has consistently pushed herself to be stronger, and yet in the end what did it matter if she couldn't save him? She hates it because she knows she's losing him! She can practically feel him slipping from within her grasp, …and…. she's so afraid now.

Afraid to lose the boy that has forever been captured and locked in her heart since the moment he wrapped this scarf around her neck.

Her tear-stricken eyes open slowly, looking down into the scarf that she still wore. This scarf was a piece of him that she could never let go. She brought it closer to herself, tracing one side of the fabric with her fingers, trying to bring back the warmth that it had once so well provided, but not tonight.

The other side of the fabric is pressed closely to her lips.

Sometimes, she thinks the warmth of her scarf comes from him, and when he's gone so does the warmth of her scarf leave.

Closing her eyes once again, she likes to envision that the scarf warmth came from another source- his lips. She likes to pretend that the soft texture and its fiery warmth is what kissing Eren would feel like. Both so warm and soft.

More tears escape now, strolling down her cheeks faster, as suddenly an image forms in her mind of Eren standing right in front of her, looking at her with those grayish green hypnotizing eyes of his hooded down to focus on her lips, and before she knows it his head is angling closer to her, she can feel his skin so near hers- closer and closer…until finally his lips reach her- and the image vanishes completely because she knows it's not real.

It's never _real_ -Mikasa drops her hands to her side, once again opening her eyes sadly-They're just wistful dreams that she so hopelessly clings to, when in reality the truth of the matter was far different. She knew well enough.

In her dreams he's always smiling at her, teasing her, joking with her, kissing her, and….of course touching her. She sniffles in her spot as her cheeks warm, even in the loneliness of her room, she can't help it, when she thinks about her naughty dreams. She's has certainly had quite a few very wild dreams about Eren. They tended to always start so sweet and innocent, a simple touch or a kiss, but just as quickly they would always morph to more passionate embraces and frantic forbidden touching.

Mikasa tries not think about a recent dream she had of Eren, but the memory comes vividly rushing to her mind anyway. The memory of Eren's head submerge between her thighs as his tongue hits at exactly the right place- She shakes her head strongly, touching her forehead as if she's had a fever.

What is wrong with her?! One moment she's upset because of Eren and the next she's fantasying scandalously about him. It's just so darn confusing, and Mikasa herself doesn't even know what to think about it at all. She doesn't understand her feelings as well as she wishes. Her heart says one thing, her mind another, and it's all a messy mix tangle of a million of thoughts that Mikasa can't figure out what to listen to.

Only one word connects all to her thoughts together in a melody that cries out his name- _EREN_.

She wipes her tears with the palm of her hands, looking out towards the small window of her room, and into the night sky.

What is she really supposed to think of him now?

The conversation between the others pivots back to her mind causing her heart to break, because she never thought she could ever be in such a position where Eren's actions have made everyone fear him, distrust him, and hate him all at once.

She doesn't want to believe what Eren's action are making everyone else think! Her heart refuses to believe it all, but her mind can't deny what she's seen.

He's not a monster! He's sacrificed so much for everyone! He cares about them all! She knows it in her heart!

And yet- her mind has a nightmare flashback to the children she saw dead because of-of….- she couldn't even bring herself to finish that train of thought, part of her is so conflicted on what to believe anymore - and she absolutely hated the uncertainty of it more than anything else.

If only she knew what Eren was thinking or planning, then maybe she could understand, and calm the sad raging storm of her beating heart that consistently seems to always break more and more with each year Eren loses. But Eren had not confided in anyone about his plans. Not even her. He'd chose to do this all on his own without her or the others. He had left everything and everyone when he went to Marley.

Wasn't it just like him to always rush off into danger on his own, leaving her behind.

Did he really not care about her enough, to at least tell her what he's doing?

When he goes off on his own doing stuff she doesn't understand, then really what is she supposed to think? She pushes her short raven locks behind her ear in frustration. Whose side is Eren on, and more importantly regardless of what side he's on, which side will she choose?

Armin had suggested that they both go talk to Eren tomorrow. That they'd do it early when the guards would be half asleep and they could sneak in easily, as it was completely prohibited for anyone to visit Eren at his jail cell, except for a very selected number of high ranking individuals such as Captain Levi and Commander Hange.

But morning was still long hours away, and in her restlessness, she only wanted to clear her head once and for all of all this crushing anguish.

The more Mikasa thought about it, the more she knew she couldn't wait until morning. She had to talk to Eren now and alone. She will let him explain what he has to explain about everything that happened. She has to know why he did what he did, and what he's going to do now that Paradis might plan for someone to eat Eren before his time is due.

Mikasa shudders at the thought as she gets up from her bed with new determination. She takes off her blanket and grabs her coat.

Time is definitely something she didn't have in abundance, meaning she has to talk to him tonight.

***

* * *

When she came down here, stealing the keys to one of the guards by knocking him out, she had hesitated outside the door for a while. Mikasa didn't hesitate because she didn't want to see him- after months away, she was desperate to see him as well- no, she hesitated because she was afraid of what this talk could mean. Frankly, Mikasa was terrified.

Months of separation and not knowing- is the Eren in the cell still the same Eren she lov-

She breathes out _\- Don't think it now! Not now-_ there's more important things to handle than her feelings, she is here to find out what side Eren is on that's all, not about her own feelings that have always been there in the hidden deepest part of her heart.

She thought she heard her name, when she stepped into the staircase, almost like a whisper but she was quick to push it away as now there was no turning back, closing the door behind her, and locking it with the keys.

"Eren?" Mikasa calls out, trying to compose herself as she starts stepping down. It's dark all around, with a few light sources on the sides so she has to place her hands on the side walls for aid as she goes down.

She doesn't hear a response, but she knows he's here. The only one here.

"Eren…it's…me," She sighs as she gets nearer to the end of the stairs and starts walking to his cells. Her voice giving away her concern and worry about what's been going on.

As she steps closer to see a figure sitting on the bed. She looks down onto the ground unable to look him in the eye yet.  
"I know I'm not supposed to be here, but I- _Oh!"_ And that was when she looked up and truly saw him.

Really _saw_ him.

She had blinked a few times to make sure she wasn't dreaming a second before when she _saw_ it so clearly.

Out of all things to expect when she came down the stairs, seeing him…- she blushes hard- er touching himself, was definitely something she had never expected to see- ever! The scene completely caught her off guard, her temperature rose in a second, and she wasn't sure what she was supposed to do- walk away- apologize for walking in- call him out for doing that here?! Not to mention how ingrained that image alone was on her mind now. She's going to have a hard time forgetting that image.

She's only half thankful when Eren is fast on his feet, pulling up his pants, darting to the corner of the cell, and not daring to face her.

He doesn't see her mouth parting open, standing in the outside of his cell frozen stiff, with her whole face flaming. Did she really just caught Eren fondling his private area? An area she most definitely got to see well enough a fraction of a second before he acted. Mikasa swallows slowly, as she tries to calm the stutter of her heart.

They stay silent. Her far too nervous to speak again after THAT, him too embarrassed to even look at her.

Well- it was something natural for boys their age to do right? Didn't their sex-ed teacher once explain back in the cadet corps that sometimes adolescents had a certain urge to fondle themselves for desire? And technically Eren was a boy within the age as well -Mikasa reasoned, part of her slightly still curious about it all. Although she's has had quite a few sexual dreams herself, she's almost as clueless in that department as she was when she was a child asking how children were made.

"What are you doing here Mikasa? I thought I wasn't allowed to have visitors." His voice shocks her out of her thoughts, quickly reminding her that despite that out of the ordinary encounter, there were more pressing matters to handle- the reason she's here.

"Eren-We have to talk," She finally manages to say, firmly, standing her ground despite the overly warmth sensation flaming from her cheeks for what she just stepped in, and saw a few moments earlier.

"Talk?" He scoffs into the wall, lifting his head. "They'll lock you up too, if they see you talking to me, without permission."

Mikasa hands curl at her side, gripping into the fabric of her pants. She knows that, she doesn't care. She needs to know the truth, she can worry about the consequences later.

"Armin and I wanted to talk to you privately," She starts explaining again.

"He's not with you-" Eren states in return, not a question, a direct statement.

"Eren, I wanted to talk to you on my own first," She replies, her voice slightly betraying her as it wavers down in a mix of hurt and longing.

Eren moves ever so slightly, his head angling to the side, where the corner of his eyes glance back at her in an intense glaze.

The question hangs in the air. _Why?_

Mikasa steps forward into the cell. Every thought in her head now conflicted. "Eren," she starts, but suddenly there is so much to say that she's lost for words, and doesn't know where to even start, or how to express it all out in such a short amount of time.

There's so much that has been left unsaid when he left, and each second of silence adds yet another to the pile.

She looks back at him, she was never one for many words.

"Why?" She says her finger tightening into the fabric. Her eyes beckoning an answer. "I want to know _why_ you're doing all this!?"

He doesn't answer, he hasn't fully turn around yet to face her, and it would be a lie if the act alone didn't cause her pain. Does he not trust her anymore? Doesn't he want her here? Weren't they close?

Her fingers release on her pants as she draws even nearer to the cell bars, fingers curling on the bars now tightly.

"You sent the letter for us to help you, you ask me specifically to go!" Her words beginning to spill out. "You needed us, that's why you sent the letter for us after disappearing for months without telling us anything! But I still don't understand why did you go Eren? I understand why you wouldn't want to tell everyone your reasoning…but I- I mean….why did you not tell me Eren?" Mikasa no longer tries to hide the brokenness of her voice.

She waits for him to answer her but again he stays silent, in between her talk he had gone back to gazing at the wall. He was acting so cold towards her, and it pained her even more that she couldn't get through to him.

This was Eren! Her Eren! She knows this! She knows the person Eren is, so why is he acting this way?

All she wants is to understand!

The silence lingers agonizingly more, adding more heartbreak with each second.

She clenches tighter on the bars, in a way that the bars squeak in return on her hold.

"Eren," She begs. "Tell me!"

She watches as his hands fist to the side, and his posture tenses, but he remains looking at that wall opposite of her.

Urk!- Did she really lose him? In a second her eyes glaze over, and she knows she's on the verge of crying.

"Please…." She leans onto the bars. "Just tell me Eren….please-" Tears break out.

"If I told you it wouldn't change anything Mikasa," finally Eren answers. "Everything that's already happened, we can't undo it-Didn't you say something similar to me before? I can't change what has already been done."

"But if you would just tell us why you did it. To buy us time? But that's not the only reason right?" She lifts her head from the bars, her gaze dropping into the ground with each tear that fell. "There is something you're hiding- you've been hiding it since you planned to leave, and you're not telling anyone what that 'plan' is. Not even me…"

"Mikasa you wouldn't understand," He replies voice heavily afflicted.

"I would, if you would only just tell me Eren!" She protests

"I can't…tell you."

"Eren-"

"Mikasa. I can't." He replies turning around now to finally face her. His eyebrows are lock so tightly in place, he looks like he's in his own conflicted storm of pain. "None of you would understand why I'm doing this."

But she refuses to let it slide. "Out there, do you know what our friends are saying? What the others are saying! Connie, Jean, Armin…." Her voice drops. "No one understands Eren, they're thinking you're some monster, that you allied yourself with Zeke -who we don't even know whether to trust or not to betray us. They are thinking you're siding with the enemy Eren, they think it's all your fault that we lost Sasha," more teardrops drop into the ground, as her throat constricts. "They think you're going insane. They no longer trust you Eren."

"Then let them think what they want," Eren answers back, stepping closer the side she's in. "They can think whatever, it doesn't matter anymore."

_You don't mean that,_ just by his conflicted expressions, Mikasa knows that deep down Eren still cared about the others, a lot more than what he was letting on. She shakes her head. "They're planning for someone to inherit your titan," she whispers out, the words a pure knife in her heart. "If Armin and I can't reason with why you did all this, or find out what side you're on- they're going to kill you Eren."

Eren takes another step closer to where she's at, standing right at the other side of the jail bars, his eyes cutting straight to her, sharply.

She remains unfazed by his proximity even when a part of her instantly feels a swirl of him being so close.

"So that's the real reason you're here," he replies, voice coated thick in hurt. "You want to know if I'm a monster or not?"

He's standing right at the other side of these bars, his posture both tense and even intimidating, that even Mikasa wonders if he's aware of the insanely powerful radiating aura he's releasing just by his presence.

Eren a monster? - Mikasa shook her head slowly. Her eyes casting down. "Not the only reason, I came." She let's go of one the bars on the cell to trace her scarf.

"Mikasa are you afraid of me?" He asks suddenly, leaning on the bars. Even with her face tilting down, she can feel the warmth of his own body for being so close. "Don't you think like the rest of them? That I'm a horrible person who lost it? Don't you blame me?"

She blinks away the tears, as she tilts her head back up. Mikasa stares back at him in return, contemplating everything that has happened, all that they've gone through together for years. She wishes her own feelings weren't so strong for a boy that has constantly turns her whole world around, but she knows they're always true.

"No," She answers him honestly, to all the questions earlier.

Eren eyebrows unscrew in unexpected surprise.

"I…I don't understand what you're planning, but I know you're doing this for a reason," She explains, her eyes lock completely into him, " …I don't blame you, because I know you Eren" the boy who would risk everything for freedom, for his friends -unconsciously, she clutches her scarf closer to her heart- "You're not a horrible person."

She can see how the words impact him, as his expression changes all together, his jaw locks tightly in place as he looks partly frighten, and partly pained all in one. Mikasa has seen that expression enough times to know that she could at least see through him now. He's in such a turmoil of feelings that he is not letting anyone know, and maybe he's struggling himself to make sense of it all.

He's in his own hell, and it breaks her heart to know she can't find a way to rescue him from it.

"Mikasa….what if you're wrong," He own fingers curling on the bars of the cell. "What if everyone else is right? What if in the end I end up killing you all-," His knuckles pop on the side of the bars as he talks, his own hands shaking.

Oh Eren-

Mikasa hold back the lump constricting in her throat, as she shakes her head again, more firmly. Trying to prove him wrong, she wraps her hand around his own on the bar securely.

"Eren," She says as she leans so that now her own head is leaning on the bars. Her head bumping into his with only the cell bars to separating them. "No matter what happens, no matter what side you go, I will be by your side." She promises. "Always."

"Mikasa-," he whispers her name in part agony, part a plea. His hand moves slowly, so that their fingers are now interlacing, locked between the bars.

"I won't agree with everything you do, but it's not like I could ever stop you before," A sad smile curves in her lips despite the tears rolling. "That's just who you are Eren, and I know that. That's why no matter what Eren, I'll always be in your side- that's all I ever wanted, to be by your side."

_Because despite this world, both beautiful and cruel, I still love you Eren Jaegar._

_***_

* * *

**(EREN)**

Why? Why…why…?

He doesn't deserve her, he knows he doesn't, and it makes him feel even more guilty to know how much trust and confidence she still has on him, despite all the shit he's done. All the sacrifices she has gone through because of him- his teeth grit.

He has wanted to save her more than anything, that's why he can't tell her, although he wants to! He almost feels like telling her everything at the brink of his tongue, but holds back because he knows he can't be any more selfish, he has to do this- and one day she'll know why but he can't bring himself to tell her now. Not yet.

He feels an overwhelming sense of appreciation that he doesn't feel he deserves, but she is so willing to give it to him.

"Why?" He asks quietly, his eyes focusing on their interlock fingers as he starts to smooth his thumb over her knuckles, almost by pure instinct of just wanting to touch her, to know she's really here in the flesh. "Mikasa, why do you want to stick by side, after all this shit- why?" He asks, because he really wants to know.

She tenses, her eyes darting to the side as a slight flush come to her cheeks. "I-because you're….part of my family." She blurts, looking at anything but him now.

He inwardly cringes. "Just family huh?" He murmurs out, his hand reaches down to the binding in her wrist, just another reminder of how special Mikasa was, not only to him, but to Paradis as one of the strongest soldiers, and to Azumabito as well. "Just a brother to you?" Eren cringes at the thought as he knows that he hasn't been thinking of her as a sister at all recently, especially not a couple minutes before.

He catches her wincing as well, he drops her wrist, thinking he hurt her scar for some reason by touching.

"No…-," She whispers out. Her cheeks flaming further. "I don't…see you as a sibling….-" She says the last word so quietly, Eren frowns back at her trying to understand why she's suddenly blushing. The look was almost endearing to see so closely. Her own brows furrowed deeply. "You've…..always been….something…-" She stops entirely.

He waits.

She rounds her scarf up her cheeks, finally whispering behind the cover of her scarf. "More."

More?

"What?" He blinks back at her, something more….?

"Are you getting plenty to eat?" Mikasa changes the subject promptly, it's almost uncanny her change of emotion in a flash of a second. "No one is allowed to visit, so are you doing all right?"

"I'm fine," he replies quickly, frowning further as he tries to think back to what she could mean. More? … In what way? Does she mean-

"Good. At least you look….well" She responds her eyes tracing all over him, those same dark hypnotizing eyes of his exotic dreams, lingering slightly too long on his pants, that for a moment he's suddenly wondering why he feels so overly warm out of nowhere, and just like that he is instantly reminded of what she walked in on him. Now it's his cheeks that blaze in heat.

"Um...I guess." he scratches his shoulder nervously, turning his head to the side to hide his blush, the corner of his eyes still focused on her. "You look really good too, your hair is nice." He blurts out, instantly regretting it because of how awkward it came out.

"Oh…thanks." She laces her hand through her hair at the compliment.

Eren looks at her fingers tracing at her hair, he's almost tempted to lace his own fingers through it. When her eyes once again dart suddenly at him, he almost fears that she heard his thoughts. She says nothing- very Mikasa of her as she continues to stare.

"What?" He scowls back at her, a natural response to resort to when he doesn't know what else to do.

"You're hair….," And suddenly, he's once again caught surprise by her, as she's reaching through the bars, tentatively, and straight to the top of his head, to touch.

"I know, it's different." He replies, scowl deepening.

"It suits you very well," Mikasa answered calmly, instead. "I like it." She smooths her hand over it.

He remains silent, staring back at her as she did this, despite the sudden clenching feeling in his chest. He didn't understand how such an easy compliment could make him feel suddenly so stupidly happy. It had been hot earlier, his long hair was getting in his way, and he only found relief by tying it up with a bun. After hearing her compliment, he's thinking that maybe he might keep it like this for a while.

She withdraws her hand from his hair now. He forces the disappointment down.

"I should go," She says,her eyes still lingering in sadness from it all. The talk must've not gone the way she wanted, but they both knew that the talk would be an impasse without a resolution tonight, if ever. It was also clear to him that she didn't want to go yet. "Before they check..." She starts moving back from the cell bars, distancing herself.

_Don't_ ….- He wants to desperately tell her, but he doesn't because he knows he should let her go for her safety.

"I'll see you tomorrow, with Armin."

"Sure…-," he whispers back with a nod. "You know it still won't change anything right?"

Her look says she knows, but she's still hoping.

Of course, Mikasa would.

"Bye Eren," She turns around, and as soon as she does he instantly wonders whether this would be the last time he'll ever see her alone.

Eren sighs, frowning even deeper- if this is the last few times he has to see her or interact with her then-

"MIKASA WAIT!" He calls out, louder than he expected, but he wanted to stop her.

Mikasa must've been lingering as well to leave because not even a full second later, she's already walking back towards him, until she's once again in front of him.

"Before you go, can you just answer me something-," He doesn't say what he thought initially, before I never see you alone again, can you just tell me one thing before all hell finally breaks out. Before I die..-

Curiosity flashes in her eyes as she gives a very subtle nod.

"What did you mean by saying that I've always been something more to you?"

Her eyes widen as her lips press even more tightly together. The rosy color returns quickly to her cheeks.

Eren raises an eyebrow back at her.

"I-it's just….-," she hesitates. "I….I- mean."

Eren can't remember the last time he ever heard her stammer, and suddenly having her stammering now he can't help smiling to see the usual steel hard compose Mikasa, fluster.

He might never tell her, but he finds her 'cute' right then. Funny because he never thought the word cute was even in his vocabulary exactly.

"I can't say," Mikasa finally lets out.

Huh? "Why not?"

"It's not the time or place for it."

Time or place? When has either of those things been on their side. He's literally a dying time bomb with each second more.

"I want to know." He encourages.

Mikasa shakes her head. "I can't, it not important."

"So, tell me then."

She takes a quick look at him and says- "I'm sorry, but I can't Eren."

"Why? It's just a simply question Mikasa, just say it. What am I really to you then?"

"Eren-No."

"Why won't you just tell me Mikasa? I promise not to tell anyone else, or embarrass you. Dammit- you even saw me literally jerking off upon coming here, nothing will probably ever top that for most embarrassing thing done," his words blurt out before he really has time to think about what he just said, tinting the edge of his ears red.

"But what if …what if it changes our friendship," Mikasa replies quietly, her cheeks still not dimming. "Not necessarily for the best."

He already changed their relationship when he left Marley, or even when he started fantasying about her in such provocative ways, when he knew that he was starting to feel something for her that had always been there, but he has always tried his damn hardest to bury down, because there was no time for it…and she deserved better.

"I'd still want to know."

She heaves out a large breath, taking so long to answer that he's almost certain she's really never going to answer when…."Armin has a dream of the world outside. You have a dream to be free. I share those dreams with both of you, but in the end, my real dream is that at the end of this- the real end. I just want be with you."

He nods slowly, not entirely catching on to what she's implying. "Yeah, so we share the same dream, if this was over I'd want to be with you too, I mean we've always been together-you and the others we'd live together." Or at least that's what he hoped, but after what happened and what will happen, that dream is just that: A dream.

Hurt flashes in her eyes, quickly. "No Eren…," She cuts him off, stepping forward, a fierce gaze in her stare. "I don't want the others."

Then…?

"I. Want. You," She emphasizes, narrowing her eyes at him.

Eren tilts back because just now he is reminded of his dream Mikasa who would often say such seductive words, because she wanted him- every part of him. But he has to have misunderstood what she meant- she couldn't be meaning…-

"You…want me?" Eren repeated voice low, confuse but his heart is thudding in his chest. His throat is suddenly dry as well, because what if she means what he thought he meant. …"As in…-," he can't bring himself to even say it..

_I just want to be with you-_

Be with _him…_

What if he's wrong. What if it's not what he think it is…-"How?"

"I'll show you," Something snaps in her, a resolute spark, as if she's decided that she's also had enough, she steps forward again, as close as the bars allowed, her hand quickly reaching into the cell, as she grips his shirt- a little too tightly, and using part of her Ackerman strength she brings him down abruptly closer to her lips-only to stop only centimeters from fully making contact.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My goal is to complete this story before chapter 109, but in case it doesn't happen well whoops haha, I tried. Chapter 3 is almost complete so expect it VERY soon! Maybe tomorrow? Please Pass GO (soon), drop some comments or kudos if you can in the meantime, and go to Chapter 3 where it picks up immediately after, finally getting to the juicy bit. Love you all!


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